Anger is a form of self-defense. It’s a natural respond to perceived threats. It’s not that bad to feel anger. Being angry can help to share your concerns, it can prevent others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is to manage your anger in a healthy way. It is fear-based. Anger is a response to fear. A response to a threat, whether perceived or real. Expression of anger means the person or situations got the best of our emotions. Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from, or cover up, other vulnerable feelings. A primary feeling is what is felt immediately before we feel angry. We almost feel something else before we get angry. Anger is a natural response to a perceived threat against our well-being or position. The response causes the body to release adrenaline, muscles to tighten, and the heart rate and blood pressure to increase. This is not healthy, especially when it is prolonged and ongoing. Anger almost always comes with fear and disguises some sort of weakness or more vulnerable emotion such as anxiety, shame, guilt, helplessness, grief, disgust, fear, or sadness. Often times it can originate from the negative emotions and negative attitudes that we grew up with in our immediate environment. Anger can come from being disappointed with oneself and serves as protection from deeply painful or shameful times. Expressions of anger can be triggered by many sources including stories, family problems, financial issues, or even seeing others succeed. For some people, anger is caused by underlying disorder such as alcoholism depression. Anger itself isn’t considered disorder, but can be identified as a symptom of various mental health conditions. The root of anger includes pain, fear and frustration. For example, some people become angry as a fearful reaction to uncertainty to fear of losing a job or fear of failure. Others become angry when they are hurt in a relationship or our caused pain by a close friend. When we get angry, there can be other emotions hidden beneath the surface? It is easy to see a person angry, but it’s difficult to see the underlying feelings that the anger is protecting. Anger can be a symptom of other unexpressed emotions. Anger is a protection of raw feelings that lie beneath it. When we listen to people that are angry at us and the anger is directed us we often become defensive. We will fight back as our own anger boils to the surface in the same self-preservation response. We get in a heated verbal battle which almost always leaves both parties feeling misunderstood and hurt. The best approach is to remain calm, try to understand where the person's anger is coming from , and work towards solving the underlying problem. Tips to contain the anger
1. Remain Calm. By remaining calm, you can set the tone for the interaction and bring an air of peace to even the most difficult situation. This is the MOST important piece. 2. Don’t take it personally. Other people’s anger is usually not about you, it’s about their feelings. One of the ways to do this is to become curious about why they’re angry. Work to discover what their underlying feelings are with their anger. This gives us understanding. 3. Do not tell the other person to “calm down” or say “you’re overreacting” or “what’s wrong with you”. This makes a person feel that their feelings don’t matter or are not acceptable. The goal here is not to try to change or fix the other person’s emotions, but rather just stand on their anger iceberg with them. Healthy communication comes when you express that you understand and accept their feelings. When you do this, well, this person’s anger will subside because they will feel heard, which builds a trust over time. 4. Work to identify the obstacle blocking the goal. This will give you the insight into why they are becoming angry. The bottom line is that beneath everyone’s anger lies a reason. A valid emotion on its own, remember that anger can also indicate other emotions that need to be addressed and validated. 5. Paraphrase their statements. By repeating back to the person what message that they are trying to convey, the person feels heard, understood, and validated. By feeling heard, they begin to lower their defensive stance and grow calmer. 6. Do not assume or read between the lines a different problem they did not express. For example a wife expresses she is overwhelmed by the constant clutter and mess, her husband says he thinks she is just stressed about money and bills. 7. Work towards solutions. By working to acknowledge underlying feelings and problems that are leading to the anger, brainstorm with the person to identify plausible solutions that may be put into practice.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorCarol Spiewak. Healthy, happy wife. Mother of eight. Author of Your Servant Forever. Teacher of women. Archives
May 2022
Categories |